Maytag and Monster Trucks

I don't watch a lot of TV. This probably explain why I don't have a DVR. Maybe eventually.

I just saw an ad for Maytag that takes the cake for stupidity. There are two rows of washing machines, probably 15 to 20 machines in each row. Each row is parallel to the other with about four or five feet between each row. There is a pair of small ramps leading "up" one end of each row and another pair of small ramps leading "down" the other end of each row. Using the ramps, a monster truck drives on to the washing machines, ostensibly to show how well made the washing machines are.

Here's the kicker: when the monster truck drives up on to the washing machines, the following words appear on the screen for a few seconds:

DO NOT ATTEMPT

Ok. Let's assume $700 per washing machine. Let's assume $50,000 for the monster truck. (And that's probably too low but humor me here.) Let's assume I had the means (not to mention space) to put $14,000 worth of washing machines in two perfectly spaced rows. Then I happen to have a tricked out monster truck nearby, ready to drive up any ramps that might be in the area.

Yeah, that would be sweet. (The version posted here was the one created by the ad agency - obviously, legal counsel for Maytag Inc made them add the "DO NOT ATTEMPT" verbiage after filming was complete.)

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Sent from my mobile device

White Castle and Valentine's Day

V-Day at the Castle. Reservations required. Coat + tie optional. Not sure about pants.

Christmas/Holiday/Whatever Cards Sent

As always, I was about one week late in getting my "December" (where "December" represents Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever) cards. I knew something was up when four different people, independent of one another, contacted me, asking "Where is your card and letter?" Well, they're in the mail.

If you're here because you got the card and letter and need to get a hold of me, leave a comment on this posting and I'll contact y'all. Joyeux Noel!

The Brilliance That is The U.S. Postal Service

I was in the local US Postal Service branch this morning, picking up some stamps for my annual attempt at humor (aka "Christmas card"). Please ignore that I am sending the cards after Christmas. Actually, now that I think about it, I've been sending these cards after Christmas for at least the last four years. Time for me to acknowledge a new tradition.

But I digress. Here are a couple of things that bug me about this particular branch:

1) Credit card readers that are inoperable.

I don't know about you but the two local USPS offices that I usually go to have inoperable credit card readers. I recall these readers being installed in the offices about four or five years ago. The "readers" don't read credit cards - they only display the charges for your transaction at the counter. One of the offices went so far as to stuff a piece of corrugated cardboard in the slot where you would normally swipe your credit card - the corrugated cardboard has a handwritten note on it - "Doesn't Work."

2) There is a sign that you notice on the way into the post office. It says no cell phones can be used anywhere in the lobby. I think this is a good idea. Like church, I like to think of post offices places of refuge from inane chatter that you usually hear when listening to someone yammer on his/her cell phone. If I want mindless yammering, I'd go to any local airport and hang out in the boarding area(s).

As wise and useful as that "no cell phones" sign is - it is matched in utter stupidity by the sign one reads posted on the inside portion of exit door (there are two separate doors - one for entering and another for exiting). It says, "No pets." Where I'm from, that's the sort of sign you'd want to have on the way IN to an establishment, not on the way out. Unless, of course, the post office means that once you bring your pet into the post office, you cannot bring him/her outside of the post office. In other words, any pets brought into the post office becomes property of the post office.

Why is Ashton Kutcher the face of Nikon?

In TV commercials that most people have probably seen, Ashton Kutcher is presented as some sort of semi-wacky shutterbug. The most annoying ad has to be the one where he is a photographer at a wedding. He proceeds to knock over a waiter carrying a tray of canapes, messes up the wedding cake, and is involved with a number of other forgettable "hilarious" vignettes.

But what is galling is a full page ad I just saw in Newsweek. It shows Mr Kutcher poring over a very high end Nikon camera like he is this generation's Ansel Adams. And to top it all off, all of the promotional web links for any of the camera models that Kutcher is "endorsing" includes the name "ashton." I would include an example here but the last thing I would want to do is give Nikon any kind of idea that this "Ashton Kutcher as Photography God" advertising campaign is anything other than ultra-dumb-dee-dumb-dumb.

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Sent from my mobile device

Photobombing: The Fine Art of Ruining Other People's Photos

I recently got an email from a friend - the email had several photos attached to it. Although most (if not all) of them have been altered/photo-shopped and I've seen some/most/all of these posted elsewhere on the web, I thought it would be worthwhile to post them here. Enjoy.

Thief Texts Victim After Robbery

We get a free local newspaper delivered to us every week. The "police beat" section usually includes some wacky crime that occurred during the prior week. The following story is true and was originally posted here.

*********

After receiving text message, man learns his wallet is missing

POLICE BEAT
Published: Tuesday, November 4, 2008 9:31 AM EST

A man living in the 1800 block oflo WiIlway Circle South reported to police that at 12:05 a.m. Oct. 28 he discovered his wallet had been stolen.

According to the report the man received a text message from someone shortly after midnight stating, "I got your wallet and you can have it back when we get married."

Police said the man then got out of bed and checked his pants pockets and found that his wallet was indeed missing.

The man stated he believed the suspect had gotten into his apartment somehow while he was sleeping and taken the wallet, police said.

Sittin' by the dock on the bay

I'm sitting in a plane in San Francisco. And I thought I was not hungry since this past weekend was filled with lots of eating - the kind where there is a mismatch between what your body needs in terms of calories and, uhh, eating way more than what your body needs.

The young lady next to me proceeds to pull out what appears to be some sort of breakfast sandwich with grilled sourdough bread, scrambled eggs, bacon, and cheese. It's something that I would probably never order - ever. But sitting in this cramped space with 150+ other people, smelling her sandwich .... turns out I am hungry. I think.

Something I always struggle with when I book air travel is location of my seat. Sitting in the middle of three seats is never a choice unless I have to (e.g. the flight is full and these are the only type of
seats left). So I choose between aisle and window. I really like looking out the window. But then I'm always panicked about being stuck by the window and having to go to the bathroom - and my seatmate(s) is (are) asleep. If it's a daylight flight that involves over lots of land, I'll choose window almost every time. If the majority of the flight is over water and/or at night, I'll choose aisle. Since I never get to fly to Hawaii as much as I'd like and I pretty much detest "red-eyes," you can guess which type of seat I will always choose.

Now if I can just get my bladder to understand ....

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Sent from my mobile device

Initial post and the Memphis airport

I just discovered mobile blogging via google. I think this way of blogging is better suited to my downtime in that I don't have the patience or organizational skills to maintain my 'regular' blog (see spunk0164.blogspot.com) on a more than "whenever I get around to it" basis. I think this format of being to jot down a quick idea and firing it off via email will allow me to capture the random stuff I see and/or think when it happens as opposed to thinking, "hmm, that's interesting - I should blog that" - then proceed to completely forget about whatever caught my attention in the first place.

I am writing this long post from the Memphis airport. I wasn't supposed to be here - I was. Supposed to fly through Minneapolis. Whatever - as long as I get to San Francisco within the next few hours, all will be good in this world.

They just announced boarding for my flight. And, on cue, everybody has rushed the boarding area, inevitably slowing the process as a result.

There's a fellow sitting across from me who looks a lot like Sydney Pollack. But I think he died recently - so unless the government was successful in its "ReAnimating The Dead Project," I doubt it's him.

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Sent from my mobile device

Jesus is Lord but only in certain places

I've heard the phrase "Jesus is Lord" before but I always assumed the phrase represented some sort of omniscient presence, you know, like He is Lord of Everywhere.

Apparently not.

The Human Calendar

While surfing the web recently, I came across a pretty cool calendar. It's set up like the opening sequence from the Brady Bunch. And it's updated every day ... I don't think it has much practical use as a 'to be used regularly' type of calendar. But it is very interesting, nonetheless.

Hillbilly Hi-Rise

I seriously think that this is not for real ... this HAS to be a photshop type of prank. If anyone can prove to me that this is real, by all means, send me the proof and I'll include that information in this posting. (I saw on another blog that this is "near Horntown, Virginia" but I cannot find any verification of this claim anywhere.)

(Wo)Man's Best Friend ... or at least one of them

When I was a kid, I distinctly recall that you had a really good dog if s/he was trained to bring you your slippers and newspaper after a hard day at the office.

Toby, the dog pictured here, is a modern "(wo)man's best friend." He doesn't waste his time with newspapers, slippers, and other items that are so 20th century.


Rather, he focuses on keeping his humans happy by bringing them things they need, not "want!"

Bird infestation in Canada? Better call the Mounties

I heard about this little Canadian lovefest on the radio yesterday. I don't need to summarize what happens - just watch and listen.

Bird Poops in Reporter's Mouth on DHADM

Merry Xmas/Winter Solstice/Kwanzaa/Hannukkah/whatever

Starting four years ago and each year since then, I've been including a "newsletter" with my annual Christmas card. The newsletter was first created in response to all the nonsensical newsletters we receive each year ... by nonsensical I mean newsletters filled with "who cares" stories about people I don't know. These newsletters were filled with such trivial matters it was laughable. Not all newsletters we received were full of crap - just some of them. Regardless, we still got them and I needed to take a stand.



Anyways, my "newsletter" was filled with half-truths and outlandish lies and completely worthless information (e.g. advice on how to grow a paw paw tree). I meant for it to be a one-time , never-to-return publication. Well, two things happened after I sent out that first newsletters four years ago: i) the response from most people seemed to be rather positive and, more importantly, ii) we continued to get those nonsensical newsletters. So, until we stop getting the nonsensical and worthless newsletters, I'll continue to produce the annual newsletter.



The reason for this blog entry is simply because I accidentally kept a reference of this blog in this year's newsletter and realized that people might actually come to this blog, looking for something of value and I don't like to disappoint so here you go.

If you like, dislike, could not care less, etc., (about) the annual newsletter, let me know by leaving a comment or emailing me.

weird stuff on web

It never ceases to amaze me about the stuff one can find on the web. I mean, someone actually took the time to edit a photo of a baby, add some bizarre animation to it and then post it to a website.



And, then, of course, there are losers like me who spent time on the web finding such nonsense and posting it on my blog.

Human Tetris (Japanese game show)

Everyone talks about how the U.S. is the world's greatest exporter of movies. True but the U.S. ain't got NOTHING on the Japanese and its TV game shows.

Cape Cod, June 2007

I spent the past week or so on Cape Cod, MA. Cape Cod is a lot like the U.S. Most foreigners think all of the U.S. is paved with gold and every backyard has a swimming pool. While parts of Cape Cod are very nice - Chatham and Wood's Hole come to mind - other parts are rather pedestrian and "strip mall-ish" (e.g. Barnstable/Hyannis/Dennis). That being said, Cape Cod is deceivingly big - or at least it seemed that way to me. There are plenty of places where you can be by yourself or get immersed in crowds - depends on what you want. Luckily, while I was on Cape Cod, the weather was unseasonably cool. There wasn't a day with high temperature over 65F while I was there. The summer crowds were either staying away or the crowds tend to show up later in summer.

My recommendation? If you go to Cape Cod and wish to have solitude - focus on staying in any area in or north of Chatham, on the far eastern part of the Cape.

George Carlin, Jesus, and UFOs

I recently heard George Carlin on Sirius Radio. It was a monologue on those who believe in UFOs and Christians and the media bias in the coverage on each group. I did a little digging and apparently this was a snippet from a book he recently published titled When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Click here for the audio clip.

spam - weird text

Like anyone else with an email account, I get spam. Because I've had email accounts for a LONG time, I get a LOT of spam. Over the past couple of years, I've gotten spam with very nonsensical text - not sure what it means and what they're trying to sell but, nonetheless, the text is truly nonsensical.

Here are some unedited examples ... strange formatting included.

----- Original Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2007 4:44 AM
Subject: Thank you

but though there were other bits, no figures could be found, and they were willing'm much obliged to him for his interest, but it 's quite wasted, thank you."was in his eyes, and he did not see clearly, or he would have discovered that
her hair, and distort her head with a mass of curls, braids, frizzles, and puffs;i 'll make a bargain with you," cried fanny, eagerly. "it was n't my fault thatonce said "you have more influence over the boys than you know; use it for their
of you often, yet he never betrayed the least knowledge of you, and i take it
tea was despatched rapidly, therefore,rode the sawhorse, while the scarecrow walked and commanded the army in themagic that binds hearts together, and keeps home happy. polly had learned thisin a look, a touch, a smile, more helpful than any amount of condolence. she
honeysuckles.and i felt hit in a tender spot. henceforth i am a model wife, else i don'tloves you and thinks you love her. nan does not care for you, and you only care
jessie often came to sit with the old lady when the young folks were away and,
jessie often came to sit with the old lady when the young folks were away and,answered mr march, surveying with paternal satisfaction the bright faces ofamong her maids.'twilight by searching the jackdaws' nest for treasures.
with his one eye so appealingly, that i controlled my risibles, and assuredand i can't help forgiving it; but you see it did no good," said mr.with old scrapes, and i'll do anything i can for you all to pay for
and ben's face broke into a broad grin over the armful of clover which
"did your mother whip you?" asked nan, curiously. such an extent that my boots appeared to gape, and my bonnet noddedfar from me, as if his love for the old papa was growing with hisenjoy it as much as ever, if i was n't anywhere about to set the busybodies
afraid." was drunk, the pledge made and loyally kept in spite of many temptations,frequent quarrels soon blow over, but i fear you would both rebel
of its nestlings, a fat young squab with a green head, yellow body,
she was, 'kept her place,' dressed according to her station, and thattheir hearts answer with a prompt "ay, ay!" in spite of love or fear:to have his enemy behold him thenpumpkins?"
"stop jabbering, girls, and i'll tell you everything,"an eagle made her nest at the top of a loftybe so contented, for i never had another. teddy was only a boy, and
rang violently and hepsey, who was hurrying away to "dish up," said: "people sometimes misjudge him, for heflew into the air and were soon out of sight. he was the text of a short temperance lecture, aimed directly at a row
"it's a pity laurie isn't hereaggravating remark: discipline with his obstreperous son. for demi inherited a trifle of his
insects, and mr. spider will lay up his provisions for the day. after thatround a family table ready to be fed, and sure that wholesome food wouldto his last resources by that steady gaze, resolved to speak out and have

***

From:
To:
Sent: Monday, April 02, 2007 2:05 PM
Subject: lubricant

The seller, Dolores Brown, told Rypinski she probably had found it at a Goodwill store. " Now raising funds for a ninth TIGHAR expedition to Nikumaroro in July, Gillespie says the Carey diary serves as a reminder to always "expect the unexpected" in the Earhart case. We moved our family about two hours away from our childhood homes this past year. If she doesn't get the message, the friendship has run its course.
You stick around long enough, you get powerful," said former Louisiana congressman Billy Tauzin.
His job was to send brief radiograms to the AP in Honolulu and San Francisco.
In one story she tells of his virtuousness in that he doesn't drink and doesn't want to be friends with anyone who does.
Howard "Judge" Smith routinely frustrated the Washington establishment by leaving town when House leaders tried to push bills he did not like through his Rules Committee.
In Rock Springs, Wyo. WWF believes the switch-off could be copied by major cities around the world in a drive to reduce the greenhouse gas emissions blamed for climate change.
" DaJuan Summers, who had averaged 17. In one story she tells of his virtuousness in that he doesn't drink and doesn't want to be friends with anyone who does.
He was crying in the locker room.
Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini said Tehran was "waiting for the British government to correct its behavior," the state broadcaster's Web site reported.
By the end of the song, of course, he had been drenched in the green goo. His second book, "The Dream," is almost finished and centers on the family's move to the United States; Ballantine has already signed on as the American publisher.
Firefighters battle blaze east of L. The subjects are her expensive haircuts, trips to spas, wardrobe makeovers, new car, etc. , whose own book, "Finding Amelia: The True Story of the Earhart Disappearance," was published last year. President Jimmy Carter speaks at Jewish-founded Brandeis University in Waltham, Massachusetts January 23,. Take Oden away from Ohio State and the Buckeyes still play for the national championship. req'd), Mar 26 Pelosi's gamble on Iraq war bill pays off at The Los Angeles Times (reg. He said his head hurt . , Dana Randolph, 16, heard a voice say, "This is Amelia Earhart.
Business World Entertainment Sports Tech Politics Elections Science Health Most Popular Secondary Navigation Local News Education Religion Politics Crimes and Trials Search: All News Yahoo! News, Mar 29 News Stories Iraqi cleric Sadr lashes out at U. " The radiomen agreed she sounded distraught; one thought she was near hysteria.
" The radiomen agreed she sounded distraught; one thought she was near hysteria.
deaths AP, Fri Mar 30, 6:12 PM ET Feature Articles Legendary black pilots saluted at BBC, Mar 29 Chopper pilot heads back to a riskier Iraq at The Los Angeles Times (reg. For him to text for sex but ignore your request for marriage counseling tells you everything you need to know. " He said the event was aimed at raising awareness about climate change and showing that an action as simple as turning out a light could make a difference.
" Georgetown didn't just struggle defensively.
"The levels of support we had was huge.
"I can't believe this, oh my goodness," said Fanning, who giggled her way through her acceptance speech. , whose own book, "Finding Amelia: The True Story of the Earhart Disappearance," was published last year. heard voice for first time 2:48 a.
President Jimmy Carter and Habitat for Humanity officials said on Saturday they expect stress in the subprime mortgage market to boost demand for housing for low-income families. Government World Supreme Court Press Releases Judy Woodruff Search: All News Yahoo! The Gators blocked six shots and altered countless more.

***

From:
To:
Sent: Monday, April 02, 2007 2:25 PM
Subject: agree bound Policies

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