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92 Acura Legend - Chicks dig it (Beaver Valley, OH)
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Date: 2010-03-18, 2:06PM EDT
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Do you like to live on the edge? Do you want a car that doesn't just get you from point A to point B, but keeps you in suspense the entire journey? Well then, read on to hear more about the car of your dreams: a 1992 V6 Acura Legend.
When you first turn the ignition you'll instantly feel the beast's hum as it struggles to maintain idle revs. Perhaps this is due to a faulty control valve, but maybe, just maybe, this magnificent means of transportation is trying to speak to you. Oh, the stories this car could tell: from mile one through mile two-hundred and thirty-seven thousand; from Toledo to Columbus to Miami to Austin and everywhere in between. This Legend has seen it all and wants you to take it on a reunion tour.
Next, you'll notice strange lights and sounds. The interior lights in the vehicle strobe, the brake warning lamp gloriously illuminates, the faulty vehicle speed sensor sparkles other dashboard lights and the speedometer and tachometer render useless feedback while leaping from one extreme to the other. At night, these lights, combined with the arbitrary squeaks, rattles and screeches, create an experience so awesome that it can only be compared to watching a Pink Floyd laser-light show being cast upon the aurora borealis.
Finally, you put the car in reverse and begin your anticipated expedition. As the car creeps backwards a new, startling noise awaits. Alas, the right-rear wheel caliper is stuck! By now, the brake pad is so worn that pure metal rubs along the rotor singing the sweet songs of Meshuggah, Lamb of God and [insert your own favorite death metal band].
Then you shove the transmission into drive; or should I say overdrive? No...I shouldn't. This car doesn't have overdrive. You press your foot to the floor and listen to the car produce more revs per minute than the manufacturer intended. Finally, the transmission shifts and you're cruising down the highway on your faded leather seats with the power sunroof open to let in the cool, spring air. You smile and wink at a pair of 19-somethings driving their daddy's Lexus. The ladies notice the apparent rust spotted around the car and whisper to each other, "Only a REAL man has the cajones to drive such a vehicle." The rainbow colors produced by the dulling paint make the ladies think about leprechauns and a pot of gold. Gold = money and jewelry. Women love money and jewelry. You see where this is going?
You meet the girls at the next Rest Stop to show-off your man-machine. You pop the hood to show the ladies the after-market Battery and AC/Heater Motor Blower. The girls are very impressed. One of them asks you if she can check your dip-stick. A devilish laugh escapes your mouth, but you quickly change the subject because, although your dip-stick is very long, it's also very skinny. Next, you open the trunk - [insert your own lame booty joke]. The women become infatuated with the six-disc CD player remarking, "Six discs at once. Oh my!"; thankfully, they're unaware it's broken. The girls want to go for a ride so you slam your trunk shut, not because you want to show off your muscles, but because the trunk latch is finicky and needs to be slammed to stay shut.
Despite the car technically having power locks, you decide to manually unlock the doors for the women. You let the siren maidens roll down their windows, hoping the motors will maintain enough power to roll them back up.
You and your sweet, little, souped-up V6 roll down the highway carrying precious 19-year-old cargo. Imagine the possibilities. All this can be yours for the low, low, FIRM price of $600.00....interesting trades considered.
Location: Beaver Valley, OH
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